Do I want to change?

Hello again my lovelies ❤ I am very sorry for the lack of posts for the past few days. I have moved back to university! And it’s all been pretty hectic with CU events, seeing people and just generally settling in. With that aside, it’s time to talk about recovery.

If you have a mental illness, you’ll understand that although people who are well don’t get it, you don’t always want to get better. Although it is confusing, even for us, actually especially for us, not all our thoughts are our own. But there are days when we are so desperate for change. The other day I just couldn’t get it out of my head that I don’t want to be like this anymore. Is there anyone out there who apologises for being themselves, or is it just me? Cos that’s your illness talking by the way. There is no reason to be sorry for your existence, you are a beautiful unique child of God and He made you perfectly. But then we all have issues which make us think we are less than we are. But it’s not our fault okay.

I send a message to my boyfriend the other day:sms

And sure, there will probably always be days when I romanticise self-destruction, but there will also be days, scattered here and there, when I desperately want to do everything within my power to get better. When I have that fragment of hope. The days when I can actually see a future and imagine a vaguely normal life, free from, well, all this.

God bless you xoxox


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