Trying to write a post about small accomplishments I have achieved, and yet I can’t think of anything worth recounting. I feel like a waste of space, a rather talentless one at that. Is there really any reason to keep living, what have I ever done that’s worthwhile?
Maybe I’m somewhat like a leach, I don’t really do anything to benefit anyone, I’m just here. Sucking blood from the state and my parents and just about anyone who I know.
I don’t know. Maybe I should just end it. I’ve been thinking about that a lot recently. Dying. Maybe I would benefit everyone by disappearing from their lives. Yes, probably that’s the case. No, definitely. Eurgh I hate myself, I wish I could make something of my life and somehow help others, but I’m just a waste of space and should probably just end it. I’m so fed up with feeling like this all the time, I want to be free. It feels like I’m gonna be stuck in this rut, this hole, for the rest of my existence, and I just can’t deal with that. I don’t want to. I wish simply for this pain, this darkness, to end. And I don’t even know if I’m brave enough to do that.
Actually, when you think about it, the bravest thing I have ever done is to just keep breathing, keep fighting, despite the pain. Anyone can run away, or fall down once and never get up, but I do get up. Time and time again I fall down and get up and stumble again and then get back up on my feet… I keep fighting. I don’t want to go down, I want to rise victorious. Cos sure you can be down on the ground with others, sharing in their pain, being down there together, but isn’t it better to get up so that you can help them to get back on their feet too? I think I am brave, yes, I’m brave. Everyday I fight, and I will fight every day until I breath my last breathe. And I won’t stop fighting. I can’t. People are counting on me to keep going, to stay strong.
I don’t want to become another statistic, I want to overcome this, to have a future, a family, hold down a job, have hobbies, to laugh and maybe sometimes cry.
Much love, God bless xoxox