Day 11: Unhealthy things I do and how I could stop
We all have things we could change about ourselves and our lives. Some things are completely out of our control and it’s really hard to accept that we can’t change them, but there are things we can change. Mother Theresa prayed this:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
Really, you can only do what you can do, and no more. (I know this should be obvious, but I often forget.) There are certain things that we can do to help ourselves out, but clearly it is really not helpful when people react to depression with “Oh you should try yoga/exercising more”, because although exercise has been shown to help, they’re kinda missing the point. People don’t choose to be depressed. It’s not something we can ‘snap out of’ because, at the end of the day, it’s out of our control. I cannot change that (likewise with the anxiety), which is horrible. Each time I experience it I wish I could just be normal.
So, that’s one thing I can’t change, but there are things I can change, such as:
- Not exercising regularly
- Not eating particularly healthy food/at regular intervals
- Hurting myself
- Negative thinking patterns and habits
- Just not being very kind to myself, basically.
And these things have to go, I can’t keep doing them if I want to be at peace with myself and improve my relationship with myself.
So, how can I change them?
Although this body is just a shell, it’s not me (which is why we can’t judge anyone on their appearance), it’s still important and a part of my being. Oooh actually, that reminds me of a video I saw the other day about appearance, labels and skin colour :)
And some possible solutions…
- Get an exercise/running buddy
- I’m finishing off my gold DofE this year (I hope :L), by cooking a different meal each week and keep a log of them, so I’ll be getting at least one decent meal a week xD Also, I can only buy healthy things in my weekly shop (and schedule time in, so that I do actually do the weekly shop :L)
- I have various ideas for how to sort this one out, to stop hurting myself. It’s one of the hardest battle I’ve ever had to fight and I have to deal with it every single day.
- I tend to dismantle shaving razors and remove the blades….so I am trying to eliminate shaving from my life, with creams and waxing. I have some very impressive leg hair growth atm which I’m pretty proud of hehe ;) xD
- I also have a plan to have a box with comforting things and distractions in it, with colouring, maybe a stress ball, henna… Idk what else xD
- I need to try and call my boyfriend whenever I feel like I’m gonna hurt myself. (And I might compile a list of people to call – friends and support services)
- I’m going to write myself a love letter and write why I shouldn’t hurt myself.
- I think I’ll also make a scrapbook of good memories and have some photos of myself with clear, scar-free arms, and put that in my distractions box.
- When it comes to negative thinking, I feel somewhat helpless. I guess some things I can do is keep using my mood app, and also writing on this blog. Other than that I don’t know what I can do. I’ve tried to do the whole talking therapy thing, but it just doesn’t work for me, mainly because I don’t talk xD But I guess I could try that again maybe… :P and surround myself with positive things, with bible verses and positive quotes on my walls. I can try anywho…
There are always things that we can change.
You can only do what you can do, okay? And you’re already doing so well, so just keep it up :D
Much love, God bless xoxox