Wake up call

Last year at uni, they tested the fire alarms each Tuesday in the morning. Now, I am not a morning person so this often doubled as my terrifying (but very effective) alarm clock.

One moment I’m comfortable, asleep maybe enjoying being a super hero (a common dream of mine :’)…)and the next minute I’m in a state of complete panic, thinking I’m about to die. No one likes wake up calls.
I had a wake up call of a different kind this morning. When my boyfriend said he’d break up with me if I didn’t try harder to get better.
I can kind of see where he’s coming from, yet how healthy can it be to be in a relationship with someone who keeps threatening to break up with you. Who’s affection comes with conditions. Probably not very. I can’t promise that I can try everyday. Maybe some days I can’t want to get better, and it’s not even a case of wanting to get better.
Maybe he’s right, okay, I should want to get better, but threatening me seems kinda counter-productive? And I do want to get better. I do. Ha that phrase…

“for better for worse, in sickness and in health”

If you’re not ready to commit to someone you shouldn’t even date them. If he doesn’t want the mother of his children to cut themselves whenever they’re in emotional pain, then he shouldn’t date me. I can’t promise I’ll ever be able to stop, I can try, but how can I be sure I’ll ever overcome this addiction.
Nothing is guaranteed in life. Only one thing is. That God loves me. I just need to cling to Him, make Him my rock. Relying on any guy, any boyfriend, will never heal me, it might mask the pain, but it won’t fix anything.
God bless you, stay strong xoxox


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