So another chapter has come to an end, yet another relationship over. I just can’t seem to make them last. Maybe I just suck. I’m trying to stay positive through this, but it’s not especially easy. I know it was the right decision for us to break up, but it doesn’t make it any easier to get over him.
I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want to be alone again.
It struck me earlier when I was lying in bed feeling particularly anxious and I hugged my cuddly toy. I thought to myself, “well it’s not the same as hugging a person now is it.” I suddenly realised that I’d never fall asleep in his arms again. I’d never have him to hold and cuddle me when I feel anxious. He’s gone. Well and truly gone.
It makes me sad it’s over, but at least I’m not devastated, as I was after my last break up. It is sad it’s over, but equally it was not a healthy relationship. He was controlling and emotionally and physically abusive. And the relationship was entirely focused on us, us and sex. Our faiths suffered and God became a mere afterthought. Not good.
Right now I’m not even sure I believe in God anymore. I will keep seeking God and trying to figure that out, and I also need to find myself again and figure who I am without him(bf).
I’ll find my feet soon I’m sure and get on with life again. I’ll find new people to open up to, who can hug me when I’m feeling down and/or anxious. I’ll be okay. Somehow I always am. :)
Take care xoxox