My heart aches for you

I just did the worst thing you can possibly do when you’re attempting to get over an ex and move on with your life. I was looking through old photos. 1615159_10205643674590822_282955093_nI just really like this one, and how I felt back then and it made me sad so I thought I’d write a bit to try to get this sadness out of my system.

This isn’t working quite as well as I hoped it would aha, the words usually flow so easily, but this time I just feel too sad to write. I want to hurt myself. I know this isn’t a logical response, but it’s my shitty brain’s way of coping with these difficult feelings.

I feel like crap. I just don’t fancy existing right now. I wish I could snap out of this and just feel better, and stop torturing myself, but I don’t know how to stop. One of my friends messaged me an essay basically on Facebook telling me how all my friends, although they haven’t told me to my face, are concerned for me because of the way I’ve been behaving recently. So I’m feeling like a bad friend and also a bad daughter at the moment. There are pressures on me from every direction to behave in a certain way and I feel like I’m going crazy, but no one can hear my screams.

I take anti-depressants every morning, but I really wish there were a quick fix pill that you took once and it cured it all straight away. But there isn’t. It’s a long journey to recovery, and it feels like each day I take a step forwards and three back again. It takes time, and I’m not patient. :L

I don’t know, I just thought I’d write what was on my mind basically to see if it’d help at all, and I guess it did a little. Sorry though, this was probably a boring read aha :P

Take care xoxox

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