In so many ways I let other people define, influence, mould me. Why? Why do I let them have that kind of power over me?
Why do I allow fear of people to stop me from doing what I really want to do, just because I’m afraid of how they’ll react. If you’re pretending to be someone different to who you really are to keep people around, they don’t even like you, they haven’t met you! Be yourself unapologetically and they’ll love you for who you really are. (And if they don’t then good riddance to them!)
It’s a lot easier said than done though isn’t it? I try to ‘do me’, and not let fear of other people’s reactions influence my decision-making, but to be honest, I rarely achieve it. Earlier today I changed my profile picture on Facebook, and I was letting the number of likes be representative in my mind of how much people liked me, or whether they thought I was pretty. Comparing to my previous profile pictures, I assumed that people didn’t like it as much; maybe people didn’t like me as much as they used to, perhaps I am getting less attractive?! In reality, the number of likes has nothing to do with how ‘people’ feel towards me, e.g. some friends who would like it might be busy and not able to check Facebook for a few days.
I smoke. It’s a little difficult to have cigarette breaks as regularly as I would prefer as I’m currently back home with the parents for the Christmas break. My family are very vocal about how “vulgar”, “disgusting” and “selfish” smoking is, so I often feel the strain of trying to keep it a secret. Whenever I have sneaked out for a smoke this past week, I’ve been so afraid of being found out, being caught red-handed, or not knowing what to say if anyone were to comment that I ‘smell like smoke.’ Thankfully, I have managed it so far, but it’s an added stress that I do not need.
For 2017, it is my hope that I can learn to not care what others think, and to not let my apparent worth or mood be dictated by what others say or do. (I often feel like people don’t like me if they don’t reply to me…and also my family mocks my piercings :P )I don’t know, I just wanted to write a post because it’s affecting me a lot. I hope, if you can relate to what I’ve said, that we can try again tomorrow to be ourselves. I’ll ‘do me’ and you’ll ‘do you’, and hopefully we can learn to be ourselves unapologetically. :) xxxx