I’m angry.

So, earlier this week I found out that my ex has been seeing someone else since October. The expected emotional response ensued. As you can imagine I felt quite a few emotions. I was hurt that he’d replaced me. No one wants to think that they’re easily replaceable and they’re not actually unique in someone else’s eyes. It’s especially difficult if it’s by someone who perhaps at some point you would have considered ‘the one’, your soul mate. I felt strange in my stomach; this could have evolved into another depressive episode, but with a quick Facebook search I felt better. It is very shallow, but seeing her profile picture I felt okay because I am more attractive(I know it’s what’s inside that is infinitely more important, but that slightly bitchy? comparison helped me cope with that news.)

Now it’s been a few days, I’ve had time to reflect and more than anything you know what I feel? Anger. How can he go from person to person abusing them and having no price to pay for the damage he’s done? It’s just not right. It could be that they have an entirely different relationship dynamic and perhaps my mental illness struggles acted to provoke his anger and violence. Perhaps he lashed out at me physically and verbally because he was frustrated and didn’t want me to be hurting myself, but his actions have done lasting damage to me, more than any razor blade could.

I was left in a desperate place after he broke up with me and I had no closure whatsoever. I’m now, 6 months after the breakup, in a much better place. I’m seeing someone else now who is so gentle and lovely to me and I realise that I deserve someone who treats me well. I did not deserve the abuse I had in my previous 9 month relationship. No one deserves that.

That’s why I’m so angry. I’m concerned he’ll treat her like shit too. Maybe he’s different with her, but I couldn’t do nothing, so I reached out to a mutual friend who knows the girl he’s dating. I just asked her to keep an eye on her and make sure he’s treating her right. I think I did the right thing.

And now, to move on with my life. I don’t need him. I barely miss him, anything good we had is tainted with the shitty way he treated me and I’m very happy to be free of that unhealthy relationship. I’m in a much better place now, without him, emotionally. And I feel really positive about the guy I’ve started seeing. Good vibes 😃 xoxox

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