I’m free

I previously wrote about the break up with my ex boyfriend last summer, and thought I would write a follow-up post.

Earlier this term, I learned that he had been in another relationship since October. (Despite him saying how he really needed to be alone for a while to figure some stuff out in his life, and personally I don’t think he deserves a girlfriend…) I was pretty shaken up initially, but I’ve moved so far from when I would drunk cry about how much I missed him. I don’t miss him anymore. I am so over him, so free of him. The only thing I am not over is how he treated me.

Really, I should have ended the relationship a long time before the summer. Even from the beginning, when he started trying to control me and every aspect of my life, red flags should have gone up. I should have ended it there and then the instant he first hit me. But I didn’t. What can I say? He was emotionally manipulative and controlling. He made me believe that I really needed him and that I couldn’t make it on my own. Well I fucking proved him wrong didn’t I?! xD haha

I feel so free to not be tied to someone who didn’t actually see my worth. Someone who was constantly trying to change me and mould me into the person they wanted me to be. One time I can remember him telling me to ‘just calm down and chill out’, to just ‘not be so much’… ouch. Even now I can’t believe that he would say that to a person he supposedly loved.

This whole ordeal has made me somewhat cynical about love and relationships, but through all this I have learnt to see my own worth so much more clearly. I am not afraid of ‘ending up alone’. I have learned to appreciate my own beauty, without needing ratification from men. I’ve also developed better ways of coping, on my own.
I am the only one who can really hold me back or help me to move forwards.

I am the master of my fate

I am the captain of my soul

(Invictus, Henley)



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