Sometimes you have to be brave, even when you don’t want to. Even when you don’t feel brave.
Sometimes bravery is just getting out of bed, when you really want to just stay there and you don’t see the point in getting up because what’s the point in anything? Perhaps bravery is refusing to take that blade to your skin, instead you argue with yourself and tell yourself why you don’t need it, how it won’t really help you to feel any better. And then you leave your room because the urge to cut is too strong, you light up a cigarette outside, hoping that the fresh air will wake you up fromyour internal nightmare.
Other times, you might pick it up, touch it on your skin, perhaps drag it along a little, but you realise what you’re doing and you don’t really want to do it, you throw the blade down and leave the room to make a cup of coffee. Anything, but that blade. Sometimes you’re stronger than other days. On some days you can do more, you can talk to someone about how you’re struggling, but maybe other days you’re brave by putting on a smile and laughing with friends when inside your head it’s like your blood is screaming to be let out. There are different kinds of brave.
One day your ‘brave’ may be going to sleep when you feel like shit because at least that way you can’t hurt yourself, whilst another day might be refusing to get back into your bed, and instead attempting to study. I mean, true you might not be able to focus very well, but at least you’re trying.
Never underestimate yourself; you are a warrior and you fight every day to be brave, in small ways usually, but just by waking up and trying to survive, you are brave.