Recently I’ve been stuck in a bit of a rut. I’ve not been coping with life well; it’s a real struggle to get out of bed and get basic tasks completed, like washing, cooking, showering. To some people these tasks seem very easy, but not to me, at least not lately. Some days haven’t been so bad. Take today, for example, I got out of the house and attempted working on campus and then I had my first CBT appointment, and I even managed to make myself go and do a food shop!! (My cupboard has been too bare for weeks!)
But one good day doesn’t mean that I’m out of the rut. I want to try and stay positive and hopeful that I’m about to have a good couple of weeks, but I’m not promised that by anyone. This last rough patch has lasted over a month, and half way into it I thought I was getting better again, I thought I was coming out of that depressive episode, but then it didn’t end. But I’m still here, still fighting. That’s all I can do. I can’t wait for the cloud to pass, for the rain to stop. I’ve just got to get my coat and wellies and struggle through the torrential rain to get on with my life. Although I haven’t done a great job at that lately…I’ve spent a lot of time in bed, missed so many lectures, not been on top of my hygiene or eating healthy and doing exercise.
It can be frustrating to see my friends the same age as me doing so well at this thing called ‘life’. They manage to see friends regularly, get to their lectures and seminars and just generally stay on top of their work as well as whatever things they ‘have’ to do. I just need to keep reminding myself that progress in life is not linear and they are completely different people with their own stories, and their own difficulties and problems. You don’t see everything. You can only see what people show you, whether that be on Facebook or in real life. It is a waste of time to compare how far you’ve come with where other people are in life, just focus on doing the best you can, and be a lovely, kind person.
Don’t worry about where you are in the ‘rat race’ just try your best.
At the end of the day you can do no more than that.