So it’s been about 7 months since my ex and I broke up. During this time I’ve seen people, and it either hasn’t worked out, or it wasn’t serious anyway so it just came to an end. It’s been an interesting time, but I feel like I’ve finally come into my own, and fully transitioned into adulthood. Being single has always been slightly scary to me, maybe just because of its mystery, since I hadn’t been single for more than a month or so between dating people. After my previous ex and I broke up, I thought I’d stay single for a while and work on myself, but this didn’t happen as I found myself in yet another relationship about a month after that one ended.
I’ve learnt so much about myself in this last 7 months or so, sometimes the hard way, but I have honestly got to know myself so much better than is possible when you share your life intimately with another person. Initially I feared being alone, but I have re-learned the value of friends and having a support network of more than just one person. In my past relationship, I was emotionally dependent on him due to his manipulative nature, which wasn’t healthy. It’s funny how in the moment, from inside the situation you can’t tell that anything is wrong, you look at the world through rose-tinted glasses and life Is perfect even when it isn’t.
“He didn’t mean to hit me, he just gets angry sometimes and can’t control himself. It’s my fault really, I aggravate him.”
“When he said I was ‘too much’ and needed to calm down, he was just tired and stressed out about uni stuff”
“He doesn’t mean to shout, he just has a temper, and he doesn’t really mean what he says when he’s angry”
“He says he loves me and wants what’s best for me, he must be right”
We make excuses for the ones we love, even if they don’t love us back the same.
This is something I’ve had to process since we broke up, and it hasn’t been easy. There have been quite a few nights out that have ended in me crying in the middle of the street. Even after the break-up he was still controlling me and I was still emotionally reliant on him despite not being with him. I am thankfully free of that now. I have processed what he did to me, and I think I’ve forgiven him, but that doesn’t excuse his behaviour or let him off the hook. He’s still a dick.
As I said, I’ve had more time to invest in myself, I’ve started CBT and I now have a support network in place, between friends, family and my wellbeing mentor. I’m in a good place at the moment. I’ve gone from being black out drunk three times a week, to now when I feel able to give up alcohol for a month because I recognise it’s a problem.
I really hope that if you’re reading this and you’re not in a good place right now, that you have someone you can talk to and work towards getting yourself into a better place. Believe me, working on yourself may take a lot of time, but it’s so worth it! <3