Why life is best in the middle?

I’m a middle child. You can find so many articles on why it’s good or bad according to certain people, or how your birth order affects your personality.

Apparently firstborns are meant to be more achievement-oriented and competitive, whilst the youngest child is supposedly more attention-seeking, and creative, leaving the middle child literally in the middle, often as the family peace-keeper. To be honest, a lot of people can be sceptical about this, but it’s certainly true in my family. (somewhat anyway!)

It’s true it’s not always great being in the middle, some of my emotional issues probably stem from not having quite as much attention from my parents growing up. Note to reader: if you want to have enough time for all your kids, don’t have 5!!

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Some of you may look down on hand-me-downs, but I thought it was great, I got all my sister’s cool clothes for free! Also, arguably parents are most harsh with the middle child, as the first child is kind of a parenting experimenting cos they don’t know what they’re doing and then by the time the youngest one comes along, the rules which they’ve come up with have been slightly worn down from child to child and they could basically get away with murder… But then again, if they don’t give me enough attention, how would they realise that I’m breaking all their rules anyway ;) I’ve also heard some people say they didn’t feel as important as their older sibling as they were they first person to learn to walk and talk, go to school, and uni, and to get married etc etc etc, whilst their younger sibling was the last person to be doing those special things, so they didn’t feel as important, or special when they were at those stages of their life.

You hope that parents will learn to not show favouritism, although the truth is all parents have their favourites and no matter how hard they try to be impartial, their preferences always show through. (Credit where it’s due though, my parents have always been pretty good at not showing favouritism)

The first benefit of being the middle child is my independence. I sure as hell wouldn’t be as able as I am if I weren’t the middle one. There have been struggles I’ve not felt able to chat to my parents about, and I have managed to get through it basically on my own, which wasn’t easy, but the struggle of trying to survive by myself meant that I gained the valuable skills to help me through other issues in life! I’m so much happier in myself because I made the decision myself to put in the effort and the hard work, rather than being pushed to by my parents.

Being in the middle, means always having someone looking up to you, but also having someone I can also look up to and go to for advice which isn’t my mum or dad (sometimes you just don’t want to tell them certain things). This is pretty nice because it brings a sense of responsibility without the fear of ruining someone’s life.

I used to get blamed for things sometimes by my siblings, which sucked, but it also forced me to stand up for myself and also helped me grow a thick skin, so I can better deal with criticism or people thinking wrongly about me (although I still care too much what other people think!)

I am not the most competitive of people, you’d think me a pretty chilled out person if you met me, but when I care, I care. Once that competitiveness is switched on, I am going to win, even if it ends in broken limbs.

All in all it doesn’t count for shit if you’re the oldest, or youngest or in between, all that matters is who you want to be and what you decide you want to aim for in life. Nothing is certain, definitely not from birth.

Any thoughts on this? Let me know down in the comments :) xxx

My first gig!!

If you saw me in person, you’d probably be pretty surprised that I only went to my first gig last night. I have quite an ‘alternative’ appearance and I do really enjoy music and dancing and generally maintaining quite a high level of energy in my life. I can’t say why I haven’t been to more gigs, or festivals for that matter, I guess it’s just because I haven’t had many close friends who’ve been interested in going and seeing live music.

Anyway, so I went to my first gig and I had such an awesome time; I just wanted to write a little about my experience, especially seeing as it was my first time.

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What a weekend

(I wrote this post in June, but I thought I’d post it anyway. It was interesting to read it and to see how far I’ve moved forwards, and changed since I wrote this…)
What a weekend!

Okay, so it’s Wednesday now, and I have just had the most wonderful weekend ever. Or the best one in a while anyway xD I went up to Winchester to visit my lovely friend E who is such a bae and so much fun to hang out with. We went on adventures, had some good chats and made much food together. It was awesome! Continue reading

Still a mess.

Recently I celebrated my 21st birthday. Twenty one. That grand old age when every one says you have to have your shit together, with a ten year plan and your life all in order etc etc etc…

That is not the case for me. I’m sure from certain angles and in the right light, someone could assume that I have my shit together. However, in reality I’m pretty far from the ideal situation which I would like to be in.

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My life…

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To be known

Lately, I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that I don’t fit in anywhere. I don’t belong. And I think that’s just something which comes with being me, and I don’t know how to fix it, or make peace with it.
I want to belong somewhere. I think that comes with the human condition, that we need to belong, feel loved, to be fully known and accepted by other people. Continue reading